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besides

by a small bird

/
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1.
station 04:10
Wonder if I have the energy to say something this time, Passing the closed-for-good sandwich store headed to the train line. Middle school profanities, haphazard pleas on posters in the underground. Never traveled lighter, makes me feel like I should check the high school lost-and-found. Swaying in my seat like a flickering candle I’m at the train station and my train is cancelled, Going nowhere fast, Tapping my foot on the uncleaned glass. Circling town once again looking for suburban blues clues Past the rite aid-turned Walgreens as of this September of my youth. The tables in a hip new café buzz with the same old news, And I could have sworn that it would have been harder to say goodbye to you. A friend of a friend who I mostly know now from a facebook post Is smiling even though I last saw them wrestling with a restless ghost. Some people I think I might know wave at me from across the track What specter do they see when I stand at the station so gracelessly waving back? Pass through Hohokus Churches and old fairgrounds Change at Seacaucus Trip o’er the lost-and-found Why dont i know this? I walked this street each day— No, I’m not from here, Just waiting for my train. (Pass by train, Waldwick, Ridgewood,) (Fair Lawn, up highways—) (On their way past rite aid,) (Get there after I leave) ((I’m at the station, and my train is cancelled.))
2.
I’m on a plane to my old hometown, Half of the Atlantic ocean from the ground. Got a talk from an attendant For playing Enya too loud, So I stare in silence at the clouds. And on landing we’re so tired from the plane, It looks just the same as Jersey in a worrying way, And in the back of my head, I know the distance we came, But to tired eyes, it’s all the same. It doesn’t really seem to matter where, The same clouds form a frown as if put out that I’m there. This was the house where I lived part of my life, And it’s eerily the same as if we left it overnight, Like a life-sized snow globe, and between you and I, For a moment back there I almost lost my mind— And now we're up and a away, In the early morning of a place so strange. And the dirt road narrows with each winding lane Until we’re back into the woods again. Well, all that running (Now all that runnin' ain't - gon' change a single thing,) Didn’t change a thing (Not in a million years, - So ration out those tears! Some hours difference 'fore the future's found you again, and Before you know it, There goes the last chance you get: A sullen breakfast of getting half-rotten eggs Cracked right over your head. And now we’re standing at Stonehenge, 5,000 years old, But it only took an hour To make me an unknown To the creatures of this forest, And the keeper of our home, And every mile of the country that I know. It’s clear 5,000 years won't change a thing. You can never count on time to set things straight, But we sure try anyway.
3.
teen wyrm 02:45
Oh, you must want me dead, came all this way to my den— Do you mind if I lay back down? Vulnerability, never did much good to me, Of which I've now grown out. You think I’d let my guard down After all that we’ve been through? Well, we’ll see soon; I’m sealing up my titanium cocoon, More impervious to you Than a nuclear shelter, tough as a rhino and so thick I can hardly hear a word For a long time I was soft, Taking everything to heart, Until I grew these scales, hard as steel and cold as hail That you can never break apart. For a long time I was soft, With a flightless will. Those days will soon be long gone; My claws are coming in and made to kill. You think I’d let my guard down After all that we’ve been through? Well, we’ll see soon; I’m almost through with my titanium cocoon, And then I’ll be more bulletproof Than a nuclear shelter, Teeth like diamonds And resistant to blunt trauma and burns; You could not have planned this worse. Is getting on my nerves, and increasingly perverse, The libel that you launder. And I had hoped that we could live in harmony, But I can play your monster, If you think that’s what you need... I just had to grow my teeth. You think that you can get away After all you’ve put me through? Well, we’ll see soon, When this opens up and I emerge festooned in Scales akin to a nuclear shelter, My heart as hard and as Hollow as the bones of a bird; Your wishes have been heard!
4.

about

Two songs each cut from sessions for the first two small bird albums: /in transit/ and /creature comforts/.

credits

released April 8, 2022

Performed, written, and recorded by a small bird
Mastered by Jake Zeisel
Cover by Aggie Eydenberg and Emma McGorray

The asb council of ears:
Emma McGorray
Jake Zeisel
Katherine Connolly
Mara Bower-Leo
George Costanzo
Austin Cody
Ben Weinman
Nate Hollander
Will Barker
Wolfy

The track “station” on /besides/ makes use of audio files released under Creative Commons’ CC-BY 3.0 (Attribution license) structure. This license allows for transformation for commercial purposes. These files are duly credited below.

craigsmith, “G48-20-Train Pulls Away.wav.” freesound.org. CC-BY 3.0 Attribution License.
eliasheuninck, “steam train horn.” freesound.org. CC-BY 3.0 Attribution License.

license

all rights reserved

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about

a small bird Chicago, Illinois

a small bird is the solo project of a queer trans artist based in Chicagoland.

Follow her on IG: @asmallbirdmusic
or Twitter:
@smallbirdmusic
or perhaps even Tiktok:
@justasmallbird

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